[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Dirge for a Joker"
Always in the middle of a kiss
Came the profane stimulus to cough;
Always from the pulpit during service
Leaned the devil prompting you to laugh.

Behind mock-ceremony of your grief
Lurked the burlesque instinct of the ham;
You never altered your amused belief
That life was a mere monumental sham.

From the comic accident of birth
To the final grotesque joke of death
Your malady of sacrilegious mirth
Spread gay contagion with each clever breath.

Now you must play the straight man for a term
And tolerate the humor of the worm.
--Sylvia Plath


"Money"

Money is a kind of poetry.

– Wallace Stevens


Money, the long green,
cash, stash, rhino, jack
or just plain dough.

Chock it up, fork it over,
shell it out. Watch it
burn holes through pockets.

To be made of it! To have it
to burn! Greenbacks, double eagles,
megabucks and Ginnie Maes.

It greases the palm, feathers a nest,
holds heads above water,
makes both ends meet.

Money breeds money.
Gathering interest, compounding daily.
Always in circulation.

Money. You don't know where it's been,
but you put it where your mouth is.
And it talks.
--Dana Gioia


"tsugumo"
on this day nothing happened--by evening
there is no blood at all. and the retainers
rake the sand and gather the sundered topknots.
and the night is quiet as the others, and hot.

(but I died here once, and my son in law--victims
of the same sterile formula in the same red house
while the same men looked on and felt nothing.
to lack imagination is to lack humanity.

and even in the last spasms of a violent death
my body formed the same geometries that still
I could not undo, the same geometries of peace
and honor and the dutiful house.

but I died because I could no longer live within
the confines of seppuku's singular calm cross,
within the confines of my own vocabulary too,
all my rage in the quiescent saiyo.

on this day I burst the stitches of my body open
as they had always been bursting--that is known
as revenge. my conclusion in the wake of smoke,
a ghost seething against a symbol.

but I died, disgusting and spectacular, like a man
and not a suit of armor,
nor a servant,
nor a shape.)
--Jaida Jones


"Shapechangers in Winter"
I.
Through the slit of our open window, the wind
comes in and flows around us, nothingness
in motion, like time. The power of what is not there.
the snow empties itself down, a shadow turning
to indigo, obliterating
everything out there, roofs, cars, garbage cans,
dead flowerstalks, dog turds, it doesn’t matter.
you could read this as indifference
on the part of the universe, or else a relentless
forgiveness: all of our
scratches and blots and mortal
wounds and patched-up jobs
wiped clean in the snow’s huge erasure.
I feel it as a pressure,
an added layer:
above the white waterfall of snow
thundering down; then attic, moth-balled
sweaters, nomadic tents,
the dried words of old letters;
then stairs, then children, cats and radiators, peeling paint,
us in our bed, the afterglow
of a smoky fire, our one candle flickering;
below us, the kitchen in the dark, the wink
of pots on shelves; then books and tools, then cellar
and furnace, graying dolls, a bicycle,
the whole precarious geology of house
crisscrossed with hidden mousetrails,
and under that a buried river
that seeps up through the cement
floor every spring,
and the tree roots snouting their slow way
into the drains;
under that, the bones
of our ancestors, or if not theirs, someone’s,
mixed with a biomass of nematodes;
under that, bedrock, then molten
stone and the earth’s fiery core;
and sideways, out into the city, street
and corner store and mall
and underpass, then barns and ruined woodlands, continent
and island, oceans, mists
of story drifting
on the tide like seaweed, animal
species crushed and blinking out,
and births and illnesses, hatred and love infra-
red, compassion fleshtone, prayer ultra-
violet; then rumours, alternate waves
of sad peace and sad war,
and then the air, and then the scintillating ions,
and then the stars. That’s where
we are.

2.
Some centuries ago, when we lived at the edge
of the forest, on nights like this
you would have put on your pelt of a bear
and shambled off to prowl and hulk
among the trees, and be a silhouette of human
fears against the snowbank.
I would have chosen fox;
I liked the jokes,
the doubling back on my tracks,
and, let’s face it, the theft.
Back then, I had many forms:
the sliding in and out
of my own slippery eelskin,
and yours as well; we were each other’s
iridescent glove, the deft body
all sleight-of-hand and illusion.
Once we were lithe as pythons, quick
and silvery as herring, and we still are, momentarily,
except our knees hurt.
Right now we’re content to huddle
under the shed feathers of duck and goose
as the wind pours like a river
we swim in by keeping still,
like trout in a current.
Every cell
in our bodies has renewed itself
so many times since then, there’s
not much left, my love,
of the originals. We’re footprints
becoming limestone, or think of it
as coal becoming diamond. Less
flexible, but more condensed;
and no more scales or aliases,
at least on the outside. Though we’ve accumulated,
despite ourselves, other disguises:
you as a rumpled elephant—
hide suitcase with white fur,
me as a bramble bush. Well, the hair
was always difficult. Then there’s
the eye problems: too close, too far, you’re a blur.
I used to say I’d know you anywhere,
but it’s getting harder.

3.
This is the solstice, the still point
of the sun, its cusp and midnight,
the year’s threshold
and unlocking, where the past
lets go of and becomes the future;
the place of caught breath, the door
of a vanished house left ajar.
Taking hands like children
lost in a six-dimensional
forest, we step across.
The walls of the house fold themselves down,
and the house turns
itself inside out, as a tulip does
in its last full-blown moment, and our candle
flares up and goes out, and the only common
sense that remains to us is touch,
as it will be, later, some other
century, when we will seem to each other
even less what we were.
But that trick is just to hold on
through all appearances; and so we do,
and yes, I know it’s you;
and that is what we will come to, sooner
or later, when it’s even darker
than It is now, when the snow is colder,
when it's darkest and coldest
and candles are no longer any use to us
and the visibility is zero: Yes.
It's still you. It's still you.

--Margaret Atwood
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Who knows how to make love stay?

"Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

"Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

"Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning."

--Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker


"Altruism"
What if we got outside ourselves and there
really was an outside out there, not just
our insides turned inside out? What if there
really were a you beyond me, not just
the waves off my own fire, like those waves off
the backyard grill you can see the next yard through,
though not well--just enough to know that off
to the right belongs to someone else, not you.
What if, when we said I love you, there were
a you to love as there is a yard beyond
to walk past the grill and get to? To endure
the endless walk through the self, knowing through a bond
that has no basis (for ourselves are all we know)
is altruism: not giving, but coming to know
someone is there through the wavy vision
of the self's heat, love become a decision.
--Molly Peacock


"Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music."
--Sergei Rachmaninoff


"I Saw in Louisiana a Live-Oak Growing"
I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing,
All alone stood it and the moss hung down from the branches,
Without any companion it stood there uttering joyous leaves of dark green,
And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself,
But I wondered how it could utter joyous leaves standing alone there
without its friend near, for I knew I could not,
And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it,
and twined around it a little moss,
And brought it away, and I have placed it in sight in my room,
It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends,
(For I believe lately I think of little else than of them,)
Yet it remains to me a curious token, it makes me think of manly love;
For all that, and though the live-oak glistens there in Louisiana
solitary in a wide flat space,
Uttering joyous leaves all its life without a friend or lover near,
I know very well I could not.
--Walt Whitman


"Saigo"
Times have changed; seppuku has not.
(I wouldn't know, I wasn't there
for the final battle. Then: it's all historiographical
from thereon out. People died and rebellions, too;
that force met this force when the sun was here
on that date, a collection of fortune and facts, but
somewhere between blood, the blade, the push,
the man who swore to acquit himself of politics,
the failure, the right time, the wrong time,
the oversights, the geographical separations,
the lingering sentiments of status,
the two prior rebellions, the last rebellion--
the man who swore to acquit himself of politics,
somewhere between blood, the blade, the push;
I imagine, kneeling in the grass, a little cranky,
a little sad, too, kneeling nostalgically in the grass,
and then the blood, the blade, the push,
a rush of blood to the ears--I wouldn't know;
personally, even generally--but the faint hum,
looking upward, where the sky is, swearing
to acquit himself at last of politics. It can't be helped.)
One can't sleep on a powder keg indefinitely.
(Eventually, arteries, dreams, revolutionaries
come down to the manipulations of the moment;
arteries, dreams, revolutionaries, powder kegs,
all things burst.)
--Jaida Jones


"Flowers"
Right now I am the flower girl.
I bring fresh flowers,
dump out the old ones, the greenish water
that smells like dirty teeth
into the bathroom sink, snip off the stem ends
with surgical scissors I borrowed
from the nursing station,
put them into a jar
I brought from home, because they don't have vases
in this hotel for the ill,
place them on the table beside my father
where he can't see them
because he won't open his eyes.

He lies flattened under the white sheet.
He says he is on a ship,
and I can see it--
the functional white walls, the minimal windows,
the little bells, the rubbery footsteps of strangers,
the whispering all around
of the air-conditioner, or else the ocean,
and he is on a ship;
he's giving us up, giving up everything
but the breath going in
and out of his diminished body;
minute by minute he's sailing slowly away,
away from us and our waving hands
that do not wave.

The women come in, two of them, in blue;
it's no use being kind, in here,
if you don't have hands like theirs--
large and capable, the hands
of plump muscular angels,
the ones that blow trumpets and lift swords.
They shift him carefully, tuck in the corners.
It hurts, but as little as possible.
Pain is their lore. The rest of us
are helpless amateurs.

A suffering you can neither cure nor enter--
there are worse things, but not many.
After a while it makes us impatient.
Can't we do anything but feel sorry?

I sit there, watching the flowers
in their pickle jar. He is asleep, or not.
I think: He looks like a turtle.
Or: He looks erased.
But somewhere in there, at the far end of the tunnel
of pain and forgetting he's trapped in
is the same father I knew before,
the one who carried the green canoe
over the portage, the painter trailing,
myself with the fishing rods, slipping
on the wet boulders and slapping flies.
That was the last time we went there.

There will be a last time for this also,
bringing cut flowers to this white room.
Sooner or later I too
will have to give everything up,
even the sorrow that comes with these flowers,
even the anger,
even the memory of how I brought them
from a garden I will no longer have by then,
and put them beside my dying father,
hoping I could still save him.
--Margaret Atwood
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"At the Arraignment"
The courtroom walls are bare and the prisoner wears
a plastic bracelet, like in a hospital. Jesus stands beside him.
The bailiff hands the prisoner a clipboard and he puts his
thumbprint on the sheet of white paper. The judge asks,

What is your monthly income? A hundred dollars.
How do you support yourself? As a carpenter, odd jobs.
Where are you living? My friend's garage.
What sort of vehicle do you drive? I take the bus.
How do you plead? Not guilty. The judge sets bail
and a date for the prisoner's trial, calls for the interpreter
so he may speak to the next prisoners.
In a good month I eat, the third one tells him.
In a bad month I break the law.

The judge sighs. The prisoners
are led back to jail with a clink of chains.
Jesus goes with them. More prisoners
are brought before the judge.

Jesus returns and leans against the wall near us,
gazing around the courtroom. The interpreter reads a book.
The bailiff, weighed down by his gun, stands
with arms folded, alert and watchful.
We are only spectators, careful to speak
in low voices. We are so many. If we—make a sound,
the bailiff turns toward us, looking stern.

The judge sets bail and dates for other trials,
bringing his gavel down like a little axe.
Jesus turns to us. If you won't help them, he says
then do this for me. Dress in silks and jewels,
and then go naked. Be stoic, and then be prodigal.
Lead exemplary lives, then go down into prison
and be bound in chains. Which of us has never broken a law?
I died for you--a desperate extravagance, even for me.
If you can't be merciful, at least be bold.


The judge gets up to leave.

The stern bailiff cries, All rise.
--Debra Spencer


"In Your Version of Heaven I Am Younger"
In your version of heaven I am blond, thinner,
but not so witty. In the movie version of your version
of heaven you fight God to come back to me.
It is a box office hit because you are an unbelievable character.
Nothing is real except the well-timed traffic accident
which costs 226 thousand dollars.

In real life, I am on a small bridge over a small creek.
Then it isn't a bridge but a stadium. Then a low table.
A sense of knowing the future.
There is no clear location of fear.
I want you to say you will abandon your dissertation.
I want you to ask the man in the green scrubs if I was pregnant.

Put on the preservers! they announce. They are under your seats!
Time to tell your wife a few last things. People are puking
in the rows around us. The jacket's sweaty and too big.
We are, in this version, an image of hope.

The broadcasters are just now sniffing us out.
I am pregnant but don't know it and can't know
the fetus would have been, in any event, not viable.
No one survives. No one comes down with cancer.
The fade-out leaves a black screen over the sound of water.

The review says it is a film noir. The letter to the editor
says the reviewer should go back to college. The reviewer
is in graduate school writing a thesis about movies
that were never made. If they are made he will not get tenure.
If we die he has a small chance at success. A young woman
writes in: it should, more properly, have been called an embryo.
--Rachel Zucker


"Bored"
All those times I was bored
out of my mind. Holding the log
while he sawed it. Holding
the string while he measured, boards,
distances between things, or pounded
stakes into the ground for rows and rows
of lettuces and beets, which I then (bored)
weeded. Or sat in the back
of the car, or sat still in the boats,
sat, sat, while at the prow, stern, wheel
he drove, steered, paddled. It
wasn't even boredom, it was looking,
looking hard and up close at the small
details. Myopia. The worn gunwales,
the intricate twill of the seat,
cover. The acid crumbs of loam, the granular
pink rock, its igneous veins, the sea-fans
of dry moss, the blackish and the greying
bristles on the back of his neck.
Sometimes he would whistle, sometimes
I would. The boring rhythm of doing
things over and over, carrying
the wood, drying
the dishes. Such minutiae. It's what
the animals spend most of their time at,
ferrying the sand, grain by grain, from their tunnels,
shuffling the leaves in their burrows. He pointed
such things out, and I would look
at the whorled texture of his square finger, earth under
the nail. Why do I remember it as sunnier
all the time then, although it more often
rained, and more birdsong?
I could hardly wait to get
the hell out of there to
anywhere else. Perhaps though
boredom is happier. It is for dogs or
groundhogs. Now I wouldn't be bored.
Now I would know too much.
Now I would know.
--Margaret Atwood


"A Lie of Forty-Two Years"
after Ihara Saikaku, "The Life of an Amorous Woman"
What we want in our profession
(the myriad shaded-star women
shuffling in old age through the quiet night streets,
long since past their twinkle, long since past light,
but one or two finding themselves
in the arms of an innocent youth
no more than sixteen years or so of unskilled age,
and most eager in his trembling thigh touches,
who cannot tell in the darkness
love from the lies and the wrinkles;
thus the gift that he gives is given in foolishness,
and the gift that he receives is received in deceit:
still, can we not say that the gift
was still a gift; given in earnest?
In the morning it is hard to distinguish
the gray sash from the plum;
and no matter the noontimes,
the earth's darkness is also plentiful)
is a land without moonlight.
--Jaida Jones
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"The world was already acting strange millions of years ago.

"Water had its way with rock. Liquid beat solid. Ice is supposed to be obdurate, unyielding, but back then it rippled and flowed. The glacier rode the world, and the world let it change it, like a girl riding her lover and turning his prick to foam. Exactly the way it is today.

"The world was strange from day one. Let there be light, God said, and there was light. There is probably nothing more beautiful and implausible than the world, nothing that makes less sense, the gray bud of the willow, silky and soft, the silk-white throat of the cobra, the wish of nature or humans to subsume all living matter in fire and flood. I will hurt you, hurt you, hurt you, says the world, and then a meadow arches its back and golden pollen sprays forth.

"Everyone prefers to stick with the subject of people, but how shortsighted to leave out the question of how we got here and where we're going.

"At least four glaciers covered Varennes over the past three million years.

"And even then, how beautiful! Rock cased in ice, the sun extracting greens and blues. Though to say everything was more beautiful without people, before people--even to go so far as to imagine after people--is obscene."
--Kathryn Davis, The Thin Place, pg. 12


"In the beginning the Murdocks weren't so much hungry for love as murderous for it, the one partner's wish to devour the other a wish to turn the infuriating recalcitrant other into food and, hence, into the self, going on the assumption so popular back at the time when Andrea and David fell in love that we are what we eat."
--Kathryn Davis, The Thin Place, pg. 51


"The great nave of the church was alive with unspoken wishes; it is this way in all places of human habitation, some of the air thick, some of it thin, unspooling lightly or dark and clotted, a terrible mixture, so sweet and heartbroken that like all human wishing it could make you get down on the cold stone floor of a church (like Sally Edwards) and start crawling, as if we'd never actually got around to getting up on our hind legs in the first place, though getting up did no good, Sally thought, no good, no good at all."
--Kathryn Davis, The Thin Place, pg. 253


"The No-Bamboo Tale"
They did not find me between the joints of a bamboo reed
on the hat of a mushroom, by the moonlight, from the split pit
of a summer peach. And they might have done better
to fish me from underneath a manhole, or unwrap me
like an old hard stick of drugstore gum--but not this,
either. Instead they did a terrible thing: came together
and reproduced, birthed me like any other child
into the commonest rotations of modern times.
A genital baby--no moonbeam. No thunderclap.

Though somehow I remained certain I--like the ancients
with all the power of conviction in my naked palms--
would return to the tacit revolutions of those centuries
when single men might define the naming of years,
believing in the transmogrification of a changeling orphanage!
--Jaida Jones


"Frogless"
The sore trees cast their leaves
too early. Each twig pinching
shut like a jabbed clam.
Soon there will be a hot gauze of snow
searing the roots.

Booze in the spring runoff,
pure antifreeze;
the stream worms drunk and burning.
Tadpoles wrecked in the puddles.

Here comes an eel with a dead eye
grown from its cheek.
Would you cook it?
You would if.

The people eat sick fish
because there are no others.
Then they get born wrong.

This is not sport, sir.
This is not good weather.
This is not blue and green.

This his home.
Travel anywhere in a year, five years,
and you'll end up here.
--Margaret Atwood


"Cartoon Physics, part 2"
Years ago, alone in her room, my mother cut
a hole in the air

& vanished into it. The report hung &
deafened, followed closely by an over-

whelming silence, a ringing
in the ears. Today I take a piece of chalk

& sketch a door in a wall. By the rules
of cartoon physics only I

can open this door. I want her
to come with me, like in a dream of being dead,

the mansion filled with cots,
one for everyone I've ever known. This desire

can be a cage, a dream that spills
into waking, until I wander this city

as a rose-strewn funeral. Once
upon a time, let's say, my mother stepped

inside herself & no one
could follow. More than once

I traded on this, until it transmuted into a story,
the transubstantiation of desire,

I'd recite it as if I'd never told anyone,
& it felt that way,

because I'd try not to cry yet always
would, & the listener

would always hold me. Upstairs the water
channels off you, back

into the earth, or to the river, through pipes
hidden deep in these walls. I told you the story

of first learning to write my own name, chalk
scrawl across our garage door,

so that when my mother pulled it down I'd
appear, like a movie.
--Nick Flynn
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"I don't know about you, but I practice a disorganized religion. I belong to an unholy disorder. We call ourselves 'Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment.' "
--Kurt Vonnegut


"Marsh Languages"
The dark soft languages are being silenced:
Mothertongue Mothertongue Mothertongue
falling one by one back into the moon.

Language of marshes,
language of the roots of rushes tangled
together in the ooze,
marrow cells twinning themselves
inside the warm core of the bone:
pathways of hidden light in the body fade and wink out.

The sibilants and gutturals,
the cave language, the half-light
forming at the back of the throat,
the mouth's damp velvet moulding
the lost syllable for "I" that did not mean separate,
all are becoming sounds no longer
heard because no longer spoken,
and everyone that could once be said in them has
ceased to exist.

The languages of the dying suns
are themselves dying,
but even the word for this has been forgotten.
The mouth against skin, vivid and fading,
can no longer speak both cherishing and farewell.
It is now only a mouth, only skin.
There is no more longing.

Translation was never possible.
Instead there was always only
conquest, the influx
of the language of hard nouns,
the language of metal,
the language of either/or,
the one language that has eaten all the others.
--Margaret Atwood


"Clementines"
I have learned this way how
to choose the clementines from the bottom drawer
(in November)

first pausing with the door open, and
rubbing my knees together,
remembering other clementines

then feeling each rough orange skin
until there is one that gives and also
does not give

(the distinction between too-soft
and too-firm, that
ripe middle, that fine line)

next a sojourn on a couch, and the slow movements
of my left thumb, to see
if I can peel the skin in a single helix

of porous color externally
and the white-soft within
(this is what leaves the smell upon my fingers)

and lastly I have learned this way how
to choose the clementines and nick the seeds
from the flesh with my teeth

a breath of their taste
just sufficient to know
if they are good enough

for you.
--Jaida Jones


"Requiem"
The crucified planet Earth,
should it find a voice
and a sense of irony,
might now well say
of our abuse of it,
"Forgive them, Father,
They know not what they do."

The irony would be
that we know what
we are doing.

When the last living thing
has died on account of us,
how poetical it would be
if Earth could say,
in a voice floating up
perhaps
from the floor
of the Grand Canyon,
"It is done."
People did not like it here.
--Kurt Vonnegut, A Man without a Country, pg. 137


"The Bicycle"
once
forgotten by tourists
a bicycle joined
a herd
of mountain goats

with its splendidly turned
silver horns
it became
their leader

with its bell
it warned them
of danger

with them
it partook
in romps
on the snow covered
glade

the bicycle
gazed from above
on the people walking;
with the goats

it fought
over a goat,
with a bearded buck

it reared up at eagles
enraged
on its back wheel

it was happy
though it never
nibbled at grass

or drank
from a stream

until once
a poacher
shot it

tempted
by the silver trophy
of its horns

and then
above the Tatras was seen
against the sparkling
January sky

the angel of death erect
slowly
riding to heaven
holding the bicycle's
dead horns.
--Jerzy Harasymowicz


"For a Five-Year-Old"
A snail is climbing up the windowsill
Into your room, after a night of rain
You call me in to see, and I explain
That it would be unkind to leave it there:
It might crawl to the floor; we must take care
That no-one squashes it. You understand
And carry it outside with careful hand
To eat a daffodil.

I see then that a kind of faith prevails,
Your gentleness is moulded still by words
From me, who have trapped mice and shot wild birds,
From me, who drowned your kittens, who betrayed
Your closest relatives, and who purveyed
The harshest kind of truth to many another.
But that is how things are: I am your Mother,
And we are kind to snails.
--Fleur Adcock
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Here is a lesson in creative writing.

"First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

"And I realize some of you may be having trouble deciding whether I am kidding or not. So from now on I will tell you when I'm kidding.

"For instance, join the National Guard or the Marines and teach democracy. I'm kidding.

"We are about to be attacked by Al Qaeda. Wave flags if you have them. That always seems to scare them away. I'm kidding.

"If you want to really hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something."
--Kurt Vonnegut, A Man without a Country, pgs. 23-24


"The Loneliness of the Military Historian"
Confess: it's my profession
that alarms you.
This is why few people ask me to dinner,
though Lord knows I don't go out of my way to be scary.
I wear dresses of sensible cut
and unalarming shades of beige,
I smell of lavender and go to the hairdresser's:
no prophetess mane of mine,
complete with snakes, will frighten the youngsters.
If I roll my eyes and mutter,
if I clutch at my heart and scream in horror
like a third-rate actress chewing up a mad scene,
I do it in private and nobody sees
but the bathroom mirror.

In general I might agree with you:
women should not contemplate war,
should not weigh tactics impartially,
or evade the word enemy,
or view both sides and denounce nothing.
Women should march for peace,
or hand out white feathers to arouse bravery,
spit themselves on bayonets
to protect their babies,
whose skulls will be split anyway,
or, having been raped repeatedly,
hang themselves with their own hair.
These are the functions that inspire general comfort.
That, and the knitting of socks for the troops
and a sort of moral cheerleading.
Also: mourning the dead.
Sons, lovers, and so forth.
All the killed children.

Instead of this, I tell
what I hope will pass as truth.
A blunt thing, not lovely.
The truth is seldom welcome,
especially at dinner,
though I am good at what I do.
My trade is courage and atrocities.
I look at them and do not condemn.
I write things down the way they happened,
as near as can be remembered.
I don't ask why, because it is mostly the same.
Wars happen because the ones who start them
think they can win.

In my dreams there is glamour.
The Vikings leave their fields
each year for a few months of killing and plunder,
much as the boys go hunting.
In real life they were farmers.
They come back loaded with splendour.
The Arabs ride against Crusaders
with scimitars that could sever
silk in the air.
A swift cut to the horse's neck
and a hunk of armour crashes down
like a tower. Fire against metal.
A poet might say: romance against banality.
When awake, I know better.

Despite the propaganda, there are no monsters,
or none that can be finally buried.
Finish one off, and circumstances
and the radio create another.
Believe me: whole armies have prayed fervently
to God all night and meant it,
and been slaughtered anyway.
Brutality wins frequently,
and large outcomes have turned on the invention
of a mechanical device, viz. radar.
True, valour sometimes counts for something,
as at Thermopylae. Sometimes being right--
though ultimate virtue, by agreed tradition,
is decided by the winner.
Sometimes men throw themselves on grenades
and burst like paper bags of guts
to save their comrades.
I can admire that.
But rats and cholera have won many wars.
Those, and potatoes,
or the absence of them.
It's no use pinning all those medals
across the chests of the dead.
Impressive, but I know too much.
Grand exploits merely depress me.

In the interests of research
I have walked on many battlefields
that once were liquid with pulped
men's bodies and spangled with exploded
shells and splayed bone.
All of them have been green again
by the time I got there.
Each has inspired a few good quotes in its day.
Sad marble angels brood like hens
over the grassy nests where nothing hatches.
(The angels could just as well be described as vulgar
or pitiless, depending on camera angle.)
The word glory figures a lot on gateways.
Of course I pick a flower or two
from each, and press it in the hotel Bible
for a souvenir.
I'm just as human as you.

But it's no use asking me for a final statement.
As I say, I deal in tactics.
Also statistics:
for every year of peace there will have been four hundred
years of war.
--Margaret Atwood


"I Know You Do Not Care for Sugar"
I know you do not care for sugar; you have said as much.

I suggested brown sugar for your tea, that grittier texture,
that thicker sweetness would suit you, but you explained
you are a milk-only. You would be having none of that.

So. One day at an English breakfast I will prove you wrong.
I will take handfuls of brown sugar in my hands,
like mud-cakes.
I will open the front of your shirt and press brown sugar
to your breasts, and watch them heave with sweetness -

with sweat, too. I will make such a mess of you. I will make
a mess of the kitchen. (But I will always let you drink your tea

the way you like it.)
--Jaida Jones


"We're Not Going to Malta..."

because the winds are too strong
, our Captain announces, his voice like an oracle coming through the loudspeakers of every lounge and hall, as if the ship itself were speaking. We're not going to Malta - an enchanting country fifty miles from Sicily, according to the brochure of the tour we're not taking. But what if we did go to Malta? What if, as we're escorted on foot through the walled "Silent City" of Mdina, the walls begin speaking to me; and after we stop a few minutes to admire the impressive architecture, I feel like Malta could be the place for me. What if, as we stroll the bastions and admire the panoramic harbor and stunning countryside, I dream of buying a little Maltese farm and raising Maltese horses in the green Maltese hills. What if after we see the cathedral in Mosta saved by a miracle, I believe that Malta itself is a miracle. What if, before I'm transported back to the pier, I am struck with Malta fever and determine I am very Maltese indeed, that I must return to Malta, learn to speak Maltese with an English (or Spanish) accent, work as a Maltese professor of English at the University of Malta and teach a course on The Maltese Falcon. Or what if when we stop at a factory to shop for famous Malteseware, I discover the making Maltese crosses is my true passion. Yes, I'd get a Maltese cat and a Maltese dog, make Maltese friends, drink Malted milk, join the Knights of Malta, and be happy for the rest of my Maltesian life. But we're not going to Malta. Malta is drifting past us, or we are drifting past it - an amorphous hump of green and brown bobbing in the portholes with the horizon as the ship heave-hos over the whitecaps, wisping into rainbows for a moment, then dissolving back into the sea.
--Richard Blanco
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"To _________, Who Keeps Revising"
I cannot bear it. Three years on the same poem and still
re-gluing its most intimate pieces. I want to take you
by the neck and shake you until all of them come shattering out
because a poem cannot exist that way.
It's not always your own.
You can't keep it, no matter how much you revise.
Once someone else has read the damn slippery thing
it has damn slipped right out of your headlock.

Let the baby go, let it stumble forward on fat short legs;
be poorly received by the critics, or received well;
be handed in photocopy to children who don't know
what to say, and offer foolish interpretations such as
"This poem is about death, all poems are about death."
or over-reach their bounds, exhaust their libraries of analysis,
"Assonance." "The line breaks." "Metaphor.";
be grimaced over; be bought cheaply, or by accident;
be something useless and something profound;
or just get stuck in between two other poems
and maybe removed, like the pink opaque slice
of deli tomato.

Or just forgotten.

Once the poem is written it's no longer yours to change.
I see what fear compels you, I know that fear, too.
Give that poem to me and to every other poet
because it's a gray terror we all share, and write poetry
to the altar of, getting down on our knees, genuflecting
with assonance, the line breaks, metaphor.

I cannot bear it because you think if you keep that poem
it will somehow continue immortally in immortal change.
I'm sorry. The only immortal process the poem possesses
is the ignition of its own volition. A poem is only the poet's once,
in the moments between the first line and the last.
The longer the moment the less vital the poet.
All the more frightened of what it means to finish the act.
I, too, am sad when it comes time to finish a sandwich.
That's one less sandwich in my life. It felt good to start it
with all that sensation left between me and the end.

But do me a favor, lady.
Honor the process.

Just eat the sandwich.
--Jaida Jones


"To Love Life"
The thing is
to love life
to love it even when you have no
stomach for it, when everything you've held
dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands
and your throat is filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you so heavily
it's like heat, tropical, moist
thickening the air so it's heavy like water
more fit for gills than lungs.
When grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief.
How long can a body withstand this? you think,
and yet you hold life like a face between your palms,
a plain face, with no charming smile
or twinkle in her eye,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you again.
--Ellen Bass
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Ava Gardner Reincarnated as a Magnolia"
Somehow I never succeeded
in being taken seriously. They made me
wear things that ruffled: off-the-
shoulder blouses, the tiered skirts
of flouncing Spanish dancers, though I never
quite got the hauteur--I was always tempted
to wink, show instead of a tragic
outstretched neck, a slice of flank. Now look
at me: a vaginal hot pink,
vibrant as a laxative bottle--
not, given the company, a respectable
colour. Let's face it: when I was in
the flesh, to be beautiful and to be
a woman was a kind
of joke. The men wanted to nail
me in the trophy room, on the pool-
table if possible, the women simply to poke
my eyes out. Me, I would have preferred
to enjoy myself--a little careless
love, some laughs, a few drinks--
but that was not an option.

What would have given
me weight? Substance? For them.
Long canines? Vengeance?
A stiletto hidden in my skirt,
a greyish rainbow of fate
like an aureole of rancid lard--
or better: dress up in armour,
ride across the steppes, leading a horde
of armed murderers. That gets you a statue,
copper or stone, with a lofty frown
--jaw clenched as if chewing--
like those erected by the sober
citizens, years later,
for all the sad destroyers.

Well, to hell with them. I'd rather
be a flower, even this one, so much like
a toilet-paper decoration
at a high-school dance.
Even that, to be trampled
underfoot next day by the janitor
sweeping up, even the damp flirtation,
the crumpled tulle, even the botched smooch
in the parking lot, the boy with the fat neck
and the hip flask, even the awkward fumbling
with the wired bodice, cheap perfume between
the freckled breasts, would have been better
than all their history, the smudged
flags, dry parchments, layers of dead bone
they find so solemn, the slaughters
they like to memorize, and tell
their children also to pray to

here, where they hate bouquets, the pleasures
of thoughtless botany, a glass
of wine or two on the little terrace,
bare leg against white trouser
under the table, that ancient ploy
and vital puzzle, water-
of-life cliché that keeps things going,
tawdry and priceless, the breeze
that riffles through what now
may be my leaves, my green closed
eyes, my negligible
vulgar fragile incandescent petals,
these many mouths, lipsticked and showy
and humid as kisses opening
in a hothouse, oh I'd give anything
to have it back again, in
the flesh, the flesh,
which was all the time
I ever had for anything. The joy.
--Margaret Atwood


"Arse Poetica"
I am always wondering,
what happens when it goes away?
what happens if I lose
the words I have come to rely on.


Ferlinghetti says:
You think these words belong to you?
They are part of some universal language that you are lucky
to dip your bread in,
that you are lucky
to have a taste of at all.

So you lose your words.

There are other hungry mouths ready to eat them.

(Stop worrying. Wake up. Get real. Write something.)



It has been a long dry spell and I am always wondering,
what happens if I wash my words down the sink
with the remnants of dinner
by accident?
What happens if the words I have come to rely on
get stuck in the drain
and there is no plumber willing
to get them the hell out?


Ferlinghetti says:
You think you're so profound.

You are not a poet, you are dreaming of being a poet
and worrying about being a poet
and there's no poetry in that,
no conviction.

So you lose your words.
There are a whole lot of poets who spend their lives worrying.

(Stop worrying. Get over it. Move on. Write something.)



I have not written anything of merit in three months
and one week
and two days
and one hour
and sixteen minutes
and forty-seven seconds;
I have spent a lot of time reading and re-reading
old work
and older work
and other people's work
and thinking,
how did I think of that
or
why didn't I think of that
and I am alternately jealous of others or
jealous of myself,
some irretrievable ability.

Ferlinghetti says:
Maybe you were destined to be a reader.

There are a lot of books. Take a walk through the poetry section
at Barnes and Noble. Better yet,
support your local community bookstore;
there are loads of poets starving there.

So you lose your words.

There are a whole lot of poets vomiting words.
Projectile word vomit.

(Stop worrying. Take a diuretic. Eat too much cake.
Write something.)



Now it is Fall. Now it is October. I should be writing
about a lost period of fecundity,
about the coming of a cruel chill,
about the browning of the leaves,
about how I cannot write one word about
a lost period of fecundity
the coming of a cruel chill
the browning of the leaves.

The onset of winter holds no inspiration
only a winter jacket.
The advent of Autumn is unimpressive.
The leaves are falling, I am wearing two sweaters
and thinking
where is the poetry? Where has the poetry gone?
How much is that poetry in the window?


Ferlinghetti says:
You are really getting on my nerves.

Lighten up! Poetry's not a religion.
You don't have to suffer for it, eat anyone's blood,
eat anyone's body.
You don't have to break your knees kneeling.

So you lose your words.

Find some new ones. There's a whole alphabet out there.

(Stop worrying. Pick up a dictionary. Get cracking.
Write something.)



Now it is midnight.
Can't you see I have work to do?
Man, Ferlinghetti, will you get off my back?

Ferlinghetti says:
I encourage moments of indecent exposure.
Stop thinking! Start doing!
Eat a jelly donut! Spill things down the front of your shirt!
Make a scene in a public library!
Denounce someone's piece of crap as a piece of crap!
Grow a beard, unless you are a woman
in which case, buy one!
Get up! Pull down your pants! And for God's sake,
show the world your arse poetica!
--Jaida Jones

[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Childhood Is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies"
Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age
The child is grown, and puts away childish things.
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.

Nobody that matters, that is. Distant relatives of course
Die, whom one never has seen or seen for an hour,
And they gave one candy in a pink-and-green striped bag, or a jack-knife,
And went away, and cannot really be said to have lived at all.

And cats die. They lie on the floor and lash their tails,
And their reticent fur is suddenly all in motion
With fleas that one never knew were there,
Polished and brown, knowing all there is to know,
Trekking off into the living world.
You fetch a shoe-box, but it's much too small, because she won't curl up now:
So you find a bigger box, and bury her in the yard, and weep.
But you do not wake up a month from then, two months
A year from then, two years, in the middle of the night
And weep, with your knuckles in your mouth, and say Oh, God! Oh, God!
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies that matters,--mothers and fathers don't die.

And if you have said, "For heaven's sake, must you always be kissing a person?"
Or, "I do wish to gracious you'd stop tapping on the window with your thimble!"
Tomorrow, or even the day after tomorrow if you're busy having fun,
Is plenty of time to say, "I'm sorry, mother."

To be grown up is to sit at the table with people who have died, who neither listen nor speak;
Who do not drink their tea, though they always said
Tea was such a comfort.

Run down into the cellar and bring up the last jar of raspberries; they are not tempted.
Flatter them, ask them what was it they said exactly
That time, to the bishop, or to the overseer, or to Mrs. Mason;
They are not taken in.
Shout at them, get red in the face, rise,
Drag them up out of their chairs by their stiff shoulders and stroke them and yell at them;
They are not startled, they are not even embarrassed; they slide back into their chairs.

Your tea is cold now.
You drink it standing up,
And leave the house.
--Edna St. Vincent Millay


Because I love you,
I cannot tell you that last night in the exhaust-
fume impatience of nearly-stopped traffic
through which cars crept, linked
with short chains of light,
the driver at my front failed for whole minutes
to follow closely the blue Buick in front of him,
stopped, in fact, entirely, while a thousand
engines idled in molasses-sticky Virginia heat.

I caught the fine, still cut-out of his face
as he leaned a little out the window, looking,
so I turned, too, and saw that I had missed in long
minutes of waiting: a bank of cloud like descending
birds, a great, bright raspberry moon,
and I was surprised into loving this man as I
have loved others--ancient-eyed boys reading on benches,
crossing guards in white gloves,
businessmen sleeping on trains--easily,
as I have never loved you.
--Marisa de los Santes


"Queer Theory"
Kate comments to me that she thinks--
in terms of possible relevant topics
for a strong good paper after much diligent research--
she tells me
what she thinks, that is,
"Frankly, I think Whitman's homosexuality
is a little irrelevant," in a way like,
"I'm already liberated and you,
or something; I take pictures of my girl's tongue
in other girl mouths;
to my poetry, that's irrelevant;
Whitman, homosexual, vital-bearded,
what his penis did or didn't do, where it went or didn't, fuck it!"
and my heart cries out in the same unresolved anger
as always and ever,
almost as if I stupidly and miserably imagine Whitman sinking
into the homeliness of his beard loose upon his chest,
replacing the words
it has become too-clear to him he must replace,
revising, the worst shit
a writer puts a poem through,
taking out the sudden and natural, even
orgasmic, moment of the first inspiration
and the true image the immediate,
the place where words and the poet copulated
regardless of size, shape,
sex, sexual desire, sexual proclivities,
all those sex things which in the aftermath
matter like the cling and slip of sweat,
easing out of the bed, easing the sex
out of the memory, expelling and exiling,
so as not to be exposed, masking,
placing some new word layer her and there
between body and grass,
between belly and the thrust of hips,
one man, and another man's penis,
and that becomes part of the poem too
whether or not it was bidden,
what makes Whitman undergo the rewrite,
put into the poetry all the fictions
of the world which to this day--
even now that Kate says "Fuck it!"
because she is liberated--tries to see in those white boy bellies,
the pregnant bellies of the heterosexual undeviant undulations,
against the little clues Whitman hid for himself of himself to be
seen marginally
as if he weren't a man who loved other men,
as if that can so easily be erased
and replaced by the subtle interventions of the guiding
heterosexual hand
pointing to the image of its own outlining,
as if to say "There, there!" while,
in the rustle of the grass, in the wind rustling the grass,
in the dirt
beneath the grass and growing the grass
and the rain wetting the dirt,
Whitman is a homosexual anyway,
and his poetry and his person
cannot be ignored, cannot be reimagined, cannot be
unimportant
and in fact more vital than ever, there,
in the words, conceiving that poem
with the thrust of the hips and
that white man's belly arching to the sun,
in the throes of its ultimate passion--
not marginal, but rather the whole's total
charged and alive with homosexual Whitman meaning and,
one day, rejoicing.
--Jaida Jones
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"If we live in too close proximity to a person, it is as if we kept touching a good etching with our bare fingers; one day we have poor, dirty paper in our hands and nothing more. A human being's soul is likewise worn down by continual touching; at least it finally appeared that way to us--we never see its original design and beauty again."
--Friedrich Nietzsche


"With new friends, what you have in common is more circumstantial: colleges, jobs, hobbies, acquaintances-of-the-hour. What old friends share goes deeper than that. Your lives can branch off in completely different directions, but always, you share that knot of a past--heartbreaks and sleepovers and screened-in porches--and the raw, peculiar memory of yourself which, in part, belongs to them."
--Elise Juska, Getting over Jack Wagner


"All stories are about wolves. All worth repeating, that is. Anything else is sentimental drivel.

"All of them?

"Sure, he says. Think about it. There's escaping from the wolves, fighting the wolves, capturing the wolves, taming the wolves. Being thrown to the wolves, or throwing others to the wolves so the wolves will eat them instead of you. Running with the wolf pack. Turning into a wolf. Best of all, turning into the head wolf. No other decent stories exist."
--Margaret Atwood


"Upon Neglecting the E in Plumes"
I want white plums.

I admit the inspiration for this desire
and impulse
is my own dyslexia; the inability to read,
as my mother called it once,
that which I do not want to.

So this is the distillation of poetry,
the true profession of the poet;
to take feathers the color of snow
and insinuate fruit.
--Jaida Jones
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"No artist has ethical sympathies."
--Oscar Wilde


"As in all of the best books, there was the important page with the list of illustrations, a line of text for each of them. She entered the story knowing she would emerge from it feeling she had been immersed in the lives of others, in plots that stretched back twenty years, her body full of sentences and moments, as if awakening from sleep with a heaviness caused by unremembered dreams."
--Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient


"We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.

"All art is quite useless."
--Oscar Wilde


"Making Movies"
"Take me, subtract movies, and you are left with nothing."
--Kurosawa Akira


We linger on them,
these our fine masterpieces,
caressing our creations
erecting and tearing down and building afresh our characters,
perfectionism to a point. But parts of us
do not want
to let these other parts of us
depart, terrified
of our skeletons, the basic
blood beneath.

What a man creates before his own eyes
and before the eyes of an audience
the red sky stains of a sunset
he does not eagerly approach again
the world which is real
the world in which his hand does not control
the seasons, and the men, and the passage of time.


For the king I have composed,
I have built the solid stone of a monolith castle.
For the battle I have prepared,
I have supplied the rain, and the gray clouds, and the mud.
For the deaths I have executed,
I have set the blood to look just so, I have painted
the white fragile faces,
and the reaching of the hand,
and the way the sunlight at last filters
through the latticework of the shivering trees.

When a man has sought out the truth,
and discovered that the truth is what he makes it,
and he may burn all the castles he has built
along the skyline that rolls onward,
vast but captured
in the very center of his eye,
he will not relinquish this power: the world on a grand scale
made to fit his own minutia.


In the terror, which is never to produce again,
never to bring to full term that which swells,
and roils, and coils, and aches, and breaks
within our wombs--man or woman may
bear these children--
we do not wish to end that in which we
are so wrapped up, as if
it is the burial shroud we sew
for ourselves, but cannot suffer to think of using.

When this, the beginning, may so easily be the end,
or this, the end, may so easily be the beginning,
it is knowing that you are at least in the middle
that carries with it contentment and safety,
a spot to sit, and drink your tea,
and carry the great, great weight
of playing God
on two proud shoulders, knowing that this,
this hubris, will defeat you in the end,
and will not be strong enough to carry you
through the world where you do not direct,
and you do not star,
and you barely know the lines.

--Jaida Jones
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Turkish"
You explain to me:
this is the first time you slipped money
against a woman's breast.

It was a Turkish Lira;
it was a Turkish breast.
You were six years old at the time and your father

explained to you the way it must be done
(when she comes close, and closer,
the sounds of the beads and coins as they dance
against her belly,

her hips)--"you must not be distracted,"
he said, and so you folded the slim paper
and you pressed it against the flush tan of her chest

like so. You explain to me
everything through the way the night was,
filtered cool and hot with alternating breezes,

smoke through screens of silk, pillows beneath you,
the wonder in your eyes,
the incense.

I will take you to Turkey, you promise.
I will dress you in the silk I remember.
I will wreath you in that incense.

The smell of the pillows, you say. The jewelry,
the dogs, the women's wrists, the gold leaf,
the fruit and the nuts, the chilled wine,

the immensity of it through your young eyes.
I will take you to the place where the dogs were, you promise;
when you were a child, you ran with the dogs.

And there you are, down on hands and knees,
understanding the child's earth,
remembering the heat of the belly-dancer's breast.

And there you are, promising me.
I am afraid to fly, I explain. But I am not
afraid to dance. It is the traveling space between.

which keeps me from your promises. The jewelry,
the dogs, the women's wrists, the gold leaf,
the fruit and the nuts, the chilled wine.

The pillows. The incense. The silk screens.
--Jaida Jones
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Under These Circumstances"
When they dig deep for what is considered
the most horrifying adjective,
when they come onto you in the street

when they tell you
(and they will tell you)
that you are a sick cunt
and perverted bitch whose dyke face
they would like to (in so many words)
smash

when they invite you
to suck them off--

it will be important to remember

the night the rain came through the window
and you licked the drops from her shoulder
and they were sweeter than the ripe,
wet pears glowing in the grass

how you woke up longing,
wanting this woman too much;
how she could make you suffer in the dark
whether or not she was there.

Try to recall the way her voice broke
when you touched her just the right way,
how learning to touch her the right way
was all that ever mattered.

Bring back your own nakedness
against her rowdy jeans, her torn
sweatshirt stained red and green,
the way she held your wrists
as you strained to come.

Under these circumstances
it will be an inspiration to recall
her Fuck Off walk, perfected
in cruel streets
and other corridors of ridicule,
all meaningless to you now that you
no longer fear the rain coming through the window:

lick the drops from her shoulder.
--Brenda Brooks


"The Relationship between Lovers and Words"

"Times like these. Someone is writing and we are only words."
--Xai


I. Bergamot
a small tree
there you were beneath it and lifting one arm up,
throwing one arm back,
in a Venetian garden (I think;
the details are unclear now, muted nouns)
and reaching for it, stretching and reaching,
while the strangest nakedness bathed your body,
softened by sunlight.
I thought:
if only I could paint you as you are
in my deepest of dreams,
with sour citrus fruits.

II. Astrolabes
a medieval invention
plotted the course of our stars today; jokingly,
we listen to the fortune teller who says
'You were alchemists in a life past,
but I do not know if you were lovers
or enemies'
as she plotted the course of your hand,
the lines drawn zodiacally
to determine the altitude of the sun.

III. Chrysoprase
an apple-green chalcedony
lay there imagined in the hollow of your neck
where collar-bone met collar-bone,
the smooth white and the gemstone like a beetle
burrowing against you;
like Egypt, your beloved country,
and the distance between us desert after desert,
and the touch of your skin a cool Nile against my skin,
and the flash of your heart like a buried beetle
used as a gemstone.

IV. Marjoram
aromatic plants
each a reminder that I should know how to smell you
how to trace your scent
with my lips, how to touch it
with my breath
how to spread you against me
like a delicacy,
or let you grow without my help,
in a garden I am not the first to imagine
with small bruise-white flowers.

V. Windjammer
a
time ago, a long time ago,
(for you believe in the past lives and inherited lovers,
karmic intervention as opposed to divine intervention,
that I have slept with you before, many times
though we may not sleep with each other
this time around)
we sailed together, you explain, beneath the storm-swirled sky
from Italy to somewhere
(the somewhere did not count;
we drowned the third day)
on a
large sailing ship.

VI. Windlasses
a machine for
every task and every purpose: this is our place,
to design, to machinate,
to mechanize appropriate mechanisms.
And so you too have allowed yourself to be useful,
you have designed this oblique cylinder
and have raised my heart bastioned upon it like
raising weights.

VII. Marten
mammal related to the weasel
I may not be, but still you hunt me,
and each day wear a new piece of me around your neck
with a slender body, bushy tail, soft fur.

VIII. Damoscene
metalwork
in these ancient days:
bowed over books I, transcribing with crying quill,
and you, in the fire of the forges,
dirt upon your cheeks and heat upon your hands.
Somehow despite this I have come to understand
that then you were building me, and I did not know
how intricate the detail,
decorated with patterns of curling inlay.

IX. Estuary
where the sea
is lapping, lapping, lapping,
and you and I are simply napping
my head upon your easy breast,
a storm is brewing in the West.
And one of us is singing, singing
to the water, bringing, bringing,
elsewhere bells are ringing, ringing
the salty water stinging, stinging.
(What comes of this? my lover queried;
time beneath the ocean buried.)
And here our twenty fingers quiver--
twilight comes and
meets the river.

X. Garret
a room
hid us. We were only children.
We were only dirty-faced children.
We were only uninspiring children.
Still, we gathered old coal like buried treasure
and painted our faces black and blacker,
pretended we were chimney sweeps
and with an old broomstick I felt in love with you
thought I forgot not to die three months later
of a cold caught
on the top of the house, typically under a pitched roof.

XI. Haymow
a pile of hay
a clear, cool day--I bring you your dinner,
you eat it slow. Here, we romp and rut
and leave smelling like animals
raised
in a barn.

XII. Belvederes
pavilions or towers on top of a building
where we looked out at the world spread all-ways around us
here there was mist,
there, a rising sunlight and a red sky,
to the left of us the stables,
while to the right of us the hills rolled on and on
like a graveyard. (And, if you followed them long enough,
you would come to the graveyard.)
It is not a clear day, but we can see forever up here,
commanding a wide view.

XIII. Sirocco
a hot
day and an unlucky number. What words you have picked!
you say;
and what fruits you pick as you say it.
Would that we were better with peaches;
still, we are devouring figs.
Such is the landscape. Such is our current predicament.
Almonds, dates, and oil-lamps.
(I will dance for you, I promise,
I will dance for you and when the last veil falls
I will be nothing more than one noun,
your noun.
Such is the fate of man.
Such is the fate of a devoted lover.)
It begins to blow over us all,
this fate,
this
humid southerly wind.
--Jaida Jones
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"What we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren't trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom."
--Umberto Eco


"7 Backward Stages"
1.
They have planted a row of hedge by the harsh-edged
municipal building,
but have not tended well to the branches or leaves.
They grow wild by the suited women,
who lean their shoulderpads
against the cool walls.

This is the windiest street in all the city;
this is the grayest day in all the world.

(But soon, my mother says, the wind will push the clouds
out over the water.
I watch the clouds gather the hems of their skirts
with little cloud fingers
and ominous dark threads half-opaque veins
through the breath speckles of blue
along the horizon of the city.)

The hedges all lean to one side and in my boots my feet ache
with the memory of rain. I search for distinctions
to mark this morning more than the one preceding,
or less than the one that is to follow,
and find that I cannot piece the puzzle together--
fissure healing fissure--
I remember only the cramp of my left foot's littlest toe,
the clouds as they moved just moments before,
this one early morning woman and the rose she wears.

Oh like a prayer, like a ritual,
what makes this morning different from all other mornings?

The wind stretches itself out upon the dark
water bruisingly, hums
nothing, nothing.

2.
Each day the same three-quarters of an hour's walk
yields the same path,
the same stretch of antique stores, windows filled
with rolled rugs,
dresser-drawers, silk lounge couches, empty bed-frames,
high-backed headboards, clawed coffee tables, chair sets,
a universe of velvet and mahogany.

There are Buddhas, wise fat babies,
thick calves and red cheeks and lines of laughter.

Cats lift their left forepaws in salute or understanding,
gold and red and white.

Virgin Marys with their sad faces and their backs
to each crucifix pinioned behind them
bleach pale in this wintering morning.

I am walking through an antique land
of Ozymandian propaganda and old furniture.

What secrets do the beds of dead men tell?
Nothing, nothing.

3.
Past a wild and frenzied intersection an old woman
who is younger than I think she is
with her hair pressed back into the wind by the wind
the crown of her head bald and spotted with age
and the half-ovals of her eyes beneath
unaware of that vulnerability
(initial and final, fontanel yet unfused)
leans all to one side as the wind rocks against her.

She does not bring her cigarette to her lips,
her arm pulled down by a bag full of that morning's shopping.
or laundry
or soda bottles.
I read too much into her: her lined mouth, her lined hands,
her lined and unfirm flesh flesh-loose neck.
In a fit of despair and longing I beg to know
her not as a woman
or a name
or a heavy bundle
but as a mechanical day-dream, the secret
physics of her ventricles revealed,
the palpable palpitations,
the cogs and gears which grind her blood through her veiny veins
and what rot now swells her knuckles, bulges her abdomen,
grabs her, unknowing but yet knowing, down
to the cement and the dirt ever below,
calling to her now,
calling to me.

"What are you," I ask, not 'who,'
and later, "forgive me for not writing more--"
but what will she know of how I failed her, her too?

Nothing, nothing.

4.
Even the rain, strong enough to last the night,
to shake the trees, to break their boughs,
to scatter the gingko fruit over the ground,
to soften the sidewalk's density,
to frighten all nature with its immensity,
to set off the car alarms throughout the streets,
to bully the summer's last burst of heat,
to howl with the dogs from dusk until dawn,
to pour forth from the clouds all darkness long--
diminished, now, to
nothing, nothing.

5.
The dreams before the rain passed were awash with smoke.

My lungs struggled as if in a bowl of dust--

Choking on earth, choking on ash, choking on bones,
I put one blind foot in front of the other,
one blind hand before my blind mouth,
heard blindness as it flooded me
and heard with blind ears moments after.
Where I had been was filtered through blindness,
where I was going I was going blindly,
the moments between distinguished only by the flight of thought
from the secret canals of one ear to the secret canals of the other,
internal conviction of existence only,
while all else before and all else to come
was undefined through infinite blindness
and swirled towards
nothing, nothing.

6.
Each night before sleep suctions me
the sound of my heart beating thrills my brain anew
with delight and fear.

(This is why I cannot bear another pulse
pressed against mine in any embrace;
it confuses the sound of my own.)

Oh, the reassurance of knowing that it's there
(ugly clump of muscle, fat and fluid)
and oh, the bated breath upon which I dangle
(fleshy fish-bait)
should that sound slip into the somnolent silence
of nothing, nothing.

7.
And on this day I rest one moment in the bathroom
my fingers splayed upon the edge of the sink.

Here, I deny all that wheels around me as nothing,
eternal damnation, nothing,
infinite years of boredom, nothing,
of agony, nothing,
of loneliness, nothing,
of incapacitation and helplessness, nothing.

Take my hands but leave my blood pumping--
my tongue but leave my mind running--
my eyes but leave my heart beating--
my body but leave my thoughts coming.

God, come to me through the pipe in the toilet,
the drain in the bathtub;
come to me with the oncoming storm,
rain down on me with the rain,
and tell me the secret of immortality,
give me the reassurances of punishment in the afterlife,
burn my feet, bury me in excrement,
let my tears wet my backside
until the stars burn out and we cannot come up again
to see them; until the four horses ride forth
unharnessed
stamping and snorting smoke.

I have read your Bible,
the New Testament and the Old,
the Wrathful God and the Forgiving God,
each enlightened epistle from past believers
incapable of convincing me:
I cannot believe,
cannot relinquish the self to believe,
cannot discard the beauty of the words,
my own interpretation of them
too important,
for the religion secreted within.

I curse the fruit; Eve, Adam and Serpent;
the diction of God, the word, the forbidding finger
and the finger of retribution.

I commit sacrilege in the bathroom.

That I should grow older!
That I should suffer unoriginal fate
that I should be buried in the dirt I hate,
that I am ash, am dust, am cloud and rain!
That I am reduced, again and again,
to the ground that sucks and time that erodes,
to release all fear in the final throes--

to the one which haunts
with merciless indifference
this nothing, nothing.
--Jaida Jones
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"For a moment the gull..."
For a moment the gull
was backlit by sunlight
and disappeared against the sky
a trick of the day. But
soon enough it reformed
and distinguished itself again
from the background of clouds.

I watched it wheel aimless
in a half-circle, passing over
the apartments seated above
the red-awned Catina
the gold trimmed HEROES
across the splash of street
and sidewalk, in full view
always framed by my seat's window.

For a moment the gull
was about to land on the peak
of the church, the protestant
triangle atop the white-washed
newly renovated building of God
whiter than the white-wash
trimmed with humble brown.

I watched it decide otherwise
catch gusts of cold January wind
beneath its gray January wingtips
and line the sky not with a C
but with a J, drawing out further
and further and further and
then I could not see the gull at all;
I wondered, in the seconds to follow,
now the gull no longer moved
within the confines of my stage, if

for a moment there had been a gull
at all.
--Jaida Jones


"Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."
--Rumi


"Incredulity doesn't kill curiosity; it encourages it. Though distrustful of logical chains of ideas, I loved the polyphony of ideas. As long as you don't believe in them, the collision of two ideas--both false--can create a pleasing interval, a kind of diabolus in musica. I had no respect for some ideas people were willing to stake their lives on, but two or three ideas that I did not respect might still make a nice melody. Or have a good beat, and if it was jazz, all the better."
--Umberto Eco


"As nothing is more easy than to think, so nothing is more difficult than to think well."
--Traherne
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Resolutions"
This new year I want
I want
I want

I want

the clock to strike twelve oh one
twelve times still lingering oh

and in that one minute to feel
a great chasm torn open in the earth
the sound not of cheering but of trumpets

the trembling of the firmament
the buckling of the firmament
the failing of the firmament

the dropping of the diadems
the surrender of the doges

split open into two arcs
swooping

wildly into the night, against the blue sky
the arms of the angels, their bird keening

all the continents crushed
beneath the roiling waters.

This new year I am tired
of anticipation
of wondering

of the fear that lingers
of the worst

I want


the worst to come,
to embrace the earthquakes,
to follow the floods,
to make ripe and ready the fields
for the fires.

New year--
the world is weary of waiting
the weight is no longer wondrous

tell us: is it triumph or terror told
in your

oh one
oh one
oh one
--Jaida Jones



"My father and I go down to the avenue"
By the Barnes and Noble the weathered Chinese man
is playing his Gau-Hu with his knees bent
and the sounds like long rough threads, loud and lonely,
are drawn forth from it in unprecise horizontals,
all along the hurry of the street. My father says
"I stop and listen," and exchanges the dollar in his hand
for a five, then puts the rest of his money away.

By now it should be less surprising
to meet the people my father knows, even in passing.
Or to see the nod pass between them, hear the Gau-Hu crying--

always as if my father sitting next to me,
just recovering from a cold
is some messianic moment in other men's lives--
that's who he's always been, fixing everyone else's music
and leaving our chairs broken. But, "I stop and listen,"
my father says, even on New Year's Eve, and me with him.

When my father moves to leave,
he shakes the Chinese man's playing hand,
gives him the five dollar bill, says, "Happy new year."

I hear, "Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Jones," and then the Gao-Hu follows:
all down the street, all the way down the street,
mourning the unseasonal rain and my clammy forearms.

"I saw him in the subway once," my father explains,
my father who never forgets a face, who also played
on street corners, who knows, like music, every man's angle.
"And I asked him if I could play the instrument.
Well, right away I played a Western scale.
Yeah," my father says, "we knew each other. Oh, yes,
he likes me, too."

I almost think:
well, dad, it's because you're the guy who gives him
five dollar bills.
Five dollar bills!
But even I would never believe that,
my father shaking his playing hand
with the long rough grip of able fingers.
--Jaida Jones



"Mirror"
The face
is familiar. Brow to nose to lips to chin,
murky eyes to cheekbones to temporarily locked jaw,
an overall impression of one female unfond of the sun.

Confrontation is nigh.

I look her in the unimpressed, reflective eye,
the color of her archenemy dirt,
inspect her gnawed fingernails
with confidence that I may knock some sense
past those tight lips yet.

(All literature on the subject, all pamphlets
and educational, therapeutic volumes
say to begin with a compliment; I struggle
to abide by these rules.)

"At least you're honest, I say,
"at least you're not pulling the wool over anyone's eyes,
at least you're not pulling anyone's leg,
at least you're not pulling any crap.
I understand you've been thinking about it lately,
but you have to get over it,
talk to some people like last time,
make something of it like last time,
creation which gave you your momentary reprieve:
a year and three-quarters total.

"I understand you're starting to think you matter," I continue,
"so much it scares you, or maybe
you just love the world so much you hate to realize
it can and will and should go on without me. I mean,
you," I say.
"It just seems you're missing the point,
which we've been over before, and that is
you should stop worrying
and give your heart a break,
and stop looking for excuses to think about it,
and start down that path of enlightenment.

Relinquish your earthy ties,
discover a religion,
succumb to an afterlife with opposite poles,
be either evil or good but believe that there will
be a divine intervention,
retribution or reward.

"Or maybe," I say, as we scratch our ears, "you should go out
and get a new fear. Public toilets are a good one; so are
subways,
rats,
other people's toothbrushes,
jello,
clowns,
balloons,
space alien abductions,
government conspiracies,
manholes,
Utah,
FOX 5 television,
and Dick Clark.

"How long has he been alive?" I ask.

"Well, after all," I say, "you don't have to implement the change
right away. Not here in the bathroom,
where the tiles are cold
and the shower curtain is filthy, opaque. You're only human
and isn't that the problem, anyway?"

The face
is familiar, pinched upon my departure;
unfortunately,
as I leave it follows,
crying "Me, Me, Me!"
all the way home.
--Jaida Jones



"Haiku"
This haiku is like
I am: one lonely moment,
all elbow angles.
--Jaida Jones



"Discourses"
I.
For years a friend believed in reincarnation
while I was terrified of death.
On the beliefs of Buddha, vicarious, like a diver on the edge
of the over-soul,
her toes curled in monotone prayer.
I thought, when I heard her brush off fear,
of many saffron-and-earth monks trailing a blaze-line
up a mountain.

(Imagery was easier then.)

Still, this brought me no comfort:
I thought of myself and of her, and of the world,
as having pieces lost through living. If you go barefoot
on the cold, ragged earth,
your calluses mark the end of your newborn youth
and the harshness of your windworn body will grow like an oak
but for nowhere near as long.

II.
I could envy the trees, then,
for their deep roots. Though my toes clutch at the earth
the lines of my muscles are not as strong.
I could live as a tree,
a non-sentient,
a tall form in the breeze. Winter
would not end me; would strip be bare, yes;
and would then make me an ice-phoenix
and I would each spring be born again.

III.
I begin to think of death--not morbidly
but curiously
through the slats in my mind, a student of ending,
a body thirsty for that scent of ultimate knowledge
(to want to know is ingrained
into all of our wood-working like the knots and the lines
of an oak, from the beginning
it was apparent that to seek such knowledge
is to court destruction)--when my grandfather
died. I do not say 'passed away,'
though he would.
But I was there
and I saw him settled against silk,
not merely moving from one place to another:
he had stopped.
He was ended, a man turned off, a thing alive
alive no more, and no words, which can
convince anyone they please,
weasel their way into hearts and out of situations,
that could soften this blow to my senses,
or make him know what it was
he was.

It was not sleep.
From the point of view of a book
it was a narrative ended.

But for my grandfather,
a firm man firmly planted in the Church,
there was nothing to worry about.
Where he was going was far, far whiter
than hospital walls.

IV.
I begin to take it further.

What is ending when you cannot name it?

What is ending when you do not know
to know you've ended?

V.
In the following summer I spoke with
a cousin in the heated water
of a chlorine-blue pool,
treading tubed ripples around our bodies.
Looking down to my distorted legs
the image of my clammy skin was anything but immortal.
I believe," he said, and it began again, "that we are all part
of one very, very big thing." I was not so much comforted
as offended by the assumption
that I was not so pleasingly unique as I had previously thought.

"We are all divisible from that whole," he said,
"and can return to it."

He
was a mathematician.

VI.
In the shabbiest but most appropriate apartment
of my mother's friend, the scientist,
I learned the ideas of his "lazy fare"
along with my divisible body
and grew agitated,
disturbed down to my atoms.

VII.
It is not true that all I have to fear is fear
itself. From every fear--
the heavy, water-logged drowning
the stomach-in-my-throat of falling
the writhing scorch of burning
the breath burden of choking
the sedentary disappointment of dying in bed--
comes the bitter truth: were it not for death,
which roots in the root of me,
I would fear nothing. In comparison
to this godfather of terror even failure
is unimportant. Without him
I would have all the time in the world
so I could try again and fail better,
next time.

VIII.
It had grown rather bad, so that I sat
with a brush in my hand,
pretending to be a painter and fooling no one,
musing to be a real painter about life and my own plans
and the inevitable.
In an attempt to grasp at the immortal, or touch upon it,
or breathe in how it smells, I thought man, or woman,
or simply I,
needed to be noticed.

"What motivates you," the artist said, "is what you are,
and what you always will be.
Don't write for your mother. Don't write
for your teacher. Don't paint for the galleries.
Hey, who are you writing this for, anyway?
Who are you living this for?"

He had a rough voice
that spared no one.
I liked it.

IX.
To be taught
is to be reborn.

X.
To teach
is to fornicate with nature,
and you will leave the children of your fornication
to walk the earth in your stead.

XI.
To be sensual
and to drink the wine of Babylon's whore
is to live life as a bright flame:
perhaps not so wisely
or so long
but the best part of death
is having so much life to lose.

XII.
To shun the earthly pleasures
to cast off such fornication
will make you very pure. The God
or the over-soul or the indivisible
that watches over and is all-knowing
will embrace your cleanliness.

This is why religious men do not fear.

XIII.
To theorize
is to give reason
to that which terrifies you.

A scientist knows it is best
not to leave things,
no matter how small,
unnamed.

XIV.
The mathematician will equate the whole,
the parts of the whole.
It all seems very simple
until you yourself try to make it add up.

Then,
it is merely impersonal.

XV.
Artists will say it is not what you do or say
but how you do or say it.
They will not truly answer
your question.

XVI.
In the end you have gone the circumference
and traced its curve back to yourself. Your friends,
your teachers, have found ways to satisfy themselves.

But such thoughts as they have are not your own so really
you don't think they amount to much.

In this that is life it is impossible to spend every second
thinking about that which is death. Things pass. You pass.
We do not merely pass away.

Amidst the throbbing of your thoughts
and the pounding of your heart
you blink once and realize that second
fleeting and unimportant,
unnoticed and irrelevant,
is death.

--Jaida Jones



"There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation of why it happened, or why it ends, or why or why you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way."
--Marya Hornbacher
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God."
--Kurt Vonnegut


"Against Still Life"

Orange in the middle of a table:

It isn't enough
to walk around it
at a distance, saying
it's an orange:
nothing to do with us, nothing
else: leave it alone

I want to pick it up
in my hand
I want to peel the
skin off; I want
more to be said to me
than just Orange:
want to be told
everything it has to say

And you, sitting across
the table, at a distance, with
your smile contained, and like the orange
in the sun: silent:

Your silence
isn't enough for me
now, no matter with what
contentment you fold
your hands together; I want
anything you can say
in the sunlight:
stories of your various
childhoods, aimless journeyings,
your loves; your articulate
skeleton; your posturings; your lies.

These orange silences
(sunlight and hidden smile)
make me want to
wrench you into saying;
now I'd crack your skull
like a walnut, split it like a pumpkin
to make you talk, or get
a look inside

But quietly:
if I take the orange
with care enough and hold it
gently

I may find
an egg
a sun
an orange moon
perhaps a skull; center
of all energy
resting in my hand

can change it to
whatever I desire
it to be

and you, man, orange afternoon
lover, wherever
you sit across from me
(tables, trains, buses)
if I watch
quietly enough
and long enough
at last, you will say
(maybe without speaking)

(there are mountains
inside your skull
garden and chaos, ocean
and hurricane; certain
corners of rooms, portraits
of great-grandmothers, curtains
of a particular shade;
your deserts; your private
dinosaurs; the first
woman)

all I need to know:
tell me
everything
just as it was
from the beginning.
--Margaret Atwood


"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering--and it's all over much too soon."
--Woody Allen


"Life is too important to be taken seriously."
--Oscar Wilde


"We have to believe in free will. We've got no other choice."
--Isaac Bashevis Singer


"In-Class Assignment"

It is one thirty when the professor says
"Write a forty-minute essay on love"
and suddenly all I can think about is
how much I hate communal bathrooms and
how the redhead in the dorm next to ours
thinks she is an opera singer and
how no one else on my floor knows how
to close a door quietly and
how I wish the salad dressing didn't have garlic in it and
why isn't my handwriting attractive, like Jackie's from room 611?

It is one thirty five and I have nothing on my paper
just a question--"What is love"--and a question mark--"?"--
and the sudden terror that where I am
is clearly not where I should be
and before my parents spent all their money some philanthropist
should have come and said
look--just, listen for a minute--I'm sorry to say it,
but college isn't for you

which would have saved everyone a lot of trouble
and now I'm going to have to pack up my new computer and my new notebook,
my vitamin pills and my retainers, and go home with eighteen
bed, bath, and beyond bags
on the New York subway, to buy some plane tickets
because what I think I'm better suited for
is raising kangaroos
in Australia.

It is one forty, maybe one forty one,
while everyone else is writing--
I look over at the paper to my left,
where Emily has two whole paragraphs
about the nature of self sacrifice and love eternal
and how love transcends this and how love defies that
while to my left Jackie's handwriting is still mocking mine
even though I can't read it
(and that's not helping).

It is one forty five, probably one forty six,
when the professor looks at me,
no doubt thinking "Why is this girl not booking her
plane tickets yet,
she is wasting my time, she is wasting the kangaroos' time,
and the aborigines' time, and her parents' money--
Oh God, think of her parents,
they have spent so much money,
when they could have bought a one-way ticket
to Australia," and meanwhile everyone is writing
and using their time wisely,
and people are crossing things out and the erasers are going crazy
and everyone is eloquent and I am thinking
love is my mommy, my mommy, my mommy
and then
what does a kangaroo eat,
and how long before they are house-trained?

At one fifty one I have been wasting time not just
for twenty-one minutes but also seventeen years,
so that the twenty-one minutes of class time
seems almost negligible
when you look at the time wasted from that perspective:
seventeen years old
and I cannot possibly know what love is;
seventeen years old and I cannot write
even one paragraph on love, much less two lined pages;
seventeen years old, my first assignment, a free-form essay,
I can say anything, and here I am, looking at the paper, thinking
I don't know anything about love, lady,
especially not in a literary context
and isn't that what I'm here for?
Why aren't
you writing me an essay?

At one fifty five it's pretty much hopeless because
in twenty minutes I have to run
through the rain to my physics class
to discover that I cannot actually take my physics class
so I can leave and be late to my Japanese
so I can start crying on the campus steps
and the great unmoved alabaster facefront
of the great unmoving alabaster library
can tell me it doesn't give a word about my predicaments--
that it is wet--that it has other problems--that someone has
spilled coffee
on its card catalog and I cannot possibly understand this,
having no card catalog.

At one fifty six I realize the professor is bored out of her mind
watching Emily go on to her third page and Jackie make her j's
like sexual intercourse,
and my blank paper yawns, and my professor yawns,
and I write "It is not that I am
less when you are gone, but rather
that I am more when you are here"

and then
this does not pertain only to people
and then
but to words and to learning as well.
--Jaida Jones
[identity profile] two-grey-rooms.livejournal.com
"We had a very balanced group. We had three men and three women. It was such a great group because of the way [Laura Nyro] put it together. I questioned a lot of things at first and then understood them. Things like having to have a female bass player or having to have a certain number of women and a certain number of men. I never thought in those terms for any other project I approached. But I understood for Laura that was a balance, nature; it was correct, it was right. It's the first time I ever saw anybody hire in terms of sexual balance, to make the group completely equal. It was important because her music required human relationships in the players. Every aspect of her songs were her."
--Jimmy Vivino, guitarist and Laura Nyro bandleader


"He caresses every bottle like it's the first one he's had
Saying, 'It ain't love, but it ain't bad' "
--Ani DiFranco, "Served Faithfully"


"And we get a little further from perfection
Each year on the road
I think that's called character
I think that's just the way it goes
But it's better to be dusty
Than polished like some store-window mannequin
Won't you touch me where I'm rusty,
Let me stain your hands?"
--Ani DiFranco, "Imperfectly"


"Unlike the Others"

Unlike the others, I am going to tell it to you straight.
This is what life is about: my bruised wet feet
half-clean from the shower, dripping and semi-swollen
with hot water and cold winter weather.
I am not going to talk to you about the moon,
the many adjectives which work. Tonight
is a broken toenail; the half-translucent white curve
hanging, displaced and solitary, a hook, a crook.
(Lorca, who lived a short life, would tell you
cuando sale la luna and would still say nothing
of the blisters, the bunions, the un-uniform surface,
the cost of living. The peeling limpid skin.)
The way the hair runs mermaid
wet over the shoulder-blades
the water in my armpit, the water in between my toes,
the water behind my knees and sneaking over my pelvis.
I cannot tell you what the moon looks like
from here, from the tiled steam of the
white-and-green bathroom,
smelling like an acre of skin, like raised nipples,
like wet genitals and loose water-softened scabs,
little white rounded mounds I long to peel back for pink.
(There is no such thing, William Carlos Williams,
as a pious wish to whiteness gone over.
There are only young women fresh out of the bath
with their hair wet slung over their shoulders
and their toe knuckle calluses happily peeling.)
--Jaida Jones


"Broadway was itself, always itself, a river of light and life that flowed through the shades and little fires of the city. Lucas felt, as he always did when he walked there, a queasy, subvert exaltation, as if he were a spy sent to another country, a realm of riches. He walked with elaborate nonchalance, hoping to be as invisible to others as they were visible to him.

"On the sidewalk around him, the last of the shoppers were relinquishing the street to the first of the revelers. Ladies in dresses the color of pigeons' breasts, the color of rain, swished along bearing parcels, speaking softly to one another from under their feathered hats. Men in topcoats strode confidently, spreading the bleak perfume of their cigars, flashing their teeth, slapping the stone with their licorice boots.

"Carriages rolled by bearing their mistresses home, and the newsboys called out, 'Women murdered in Five Points, read all about it!' Red curtains billowed in the windows of hotels, under a sky going a deeper red with the night. Somewhere someone played 'Lilith' on a calliope, though it seemed that the street itself emanated music, as if by walking with such certainty, such satisfaction, the people summoned music out of the pavement."
--Michael Cunningham, pgs. 7-8, Specimen Days


"Crazy, Simon thought. They're all crazy. Though of course the passengers on the Mayflower had probably been like this, too: zealots and oddballs and ne'er-do-wells, setting out to colonize a new world because the known world wasn't much interested in their furtive and quirky passions. It had probably always been thus, not only aboard the Mayflower but on the Viking ships; on the Niña, Pinta, and Santa María; on the first convoys sent off to explore Nadia, about which the people of Earth had harbored such extravagant hopes. It was nut jobs. It was hysterics and visionaries and petty criminals. The odes and monuments, the plaques and pageants, came later."
--Michael Cunningham, pg. 320, Specimen Days


"The earth--that is sufficient;
I do not want the constellations any nearer;
I know they are very well where they are;
I know they suffice for those who belong to them."
--Walt Whitman


"The superfluous is the most necessary."
--Voltaire


"To lead the people, walk behind them."
--Lao-Tzu


"Perhaps the only true dignity of man is his capacity to despise himself."
--George Santayana


"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's own ignorance."
--Confucius


"Failure is the foundation of success...success the lurking place of failure."
--Lao-Tzu


"There is a society in the deepest solitude."
--Benjamin Disraeli


"You can't say civilization isn't advancing, in every war they kill you in a new way."
--Will Rogers


"Painting is easy when you don't know how, but very difficult when you do."
--Edgar Degas


"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not, but I am getting old, and soon I shall remember only the latter."
--Mark Twain


"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
--Walt Disney


"The Shadow Voice"

My shadow said to me:
what is the matter

Isn't the moon warm
enough for you
why do you need
the blanket of another body

Whose kiss is moss

Around the picnic tables
The bright pink hands held sandwiches
crumbled by distance. Flies crawl
over the sweet instant

You know what is in these blankets

The trees outside are bending with
children shooting guns. Leave
them alone. They are playing
games of their own.

I give water, I give clean crusts

Aren't there enough words
flowing in your veins
to keep you going.
--Margaret Atwood


"His wings are gray and trailing, Azrael, Angel of Death,
And yet the souls that Azrael brings across the dark and cold
Look up beneath those folded wings,
And find them lined with gold"
--Robert Welsh

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